"Enjoy the fun of Failure"

I read that quote recently in an article on happiness. Now, I think I am a pretty happy person--I love my husband, my kids, and my family and friends; I enjoy lots of worthwhile time with friends (both in person and via the trusty cell phone), and I have so much comfort to be thankful for. I am learning a lot lately about what makes me not just happy, but contented. This has been a long life lesson to learn, in great part due to my desire to please others and to avoid failure at any cost!! If I perceive that I wont be good at something, I just wont try it. Seriously, I remember dreading having to learn foreign languages and to do advanced music theory in college, so much so that those fears played in to my decision to leave an outstanding music program in which I was doing very well. I mean, I had A's in every subject, but I was worried that at some point it would become so hard that I might, GULP, get a B! Or, worse, I'd finally audition for a symphony and I'd be rejected. I feared disappointing my parents and my professors. I left a place and people I cared deeply for--out of fear. Well, fast forward ten years (or more, actually) and I now love speaking broken German, mixed with some french, while making morning coffee or asking Matthew a question I don't want Abby to understand ;) And, for what it is worth, I've made it to the dissertation writing phase of a PhD. But is that what makes me MOST happy? Really, the things that make me most happy are those things that come with a lot of failure! And failure I can't avoid, because I'm a human being who makes mistakes! I've begun to accept that I fail, but it never occurred to me to ENJOY the FUN of failure! Is failure EVER fun? Well, yes. I think it can be!

So what does enjoying the FUN of failure look like to me? I guess it looks like this:

Teg
Originally uploaded by gennabby.

Maybe this isn't "failure." It is the product of an attempt to do something special for a very special little girl, whom I love. I've never painted with watercolors before, and I've never done a portrait before. But the thought came to me that I wanted to TRY marking Teg's birthday with something more intentional than a toy. My dear friend, Bronwyn, is now the momma of a one year old. I was there minutes before and minutes after this delightful, gorgeous, most precious baby girl was born-- I left for the good part, but really the birth of one's first child is something to be enjoyed privately between a hubby and its "wif", right? Right. I didn't even stand by the door. I went down the hall and paced, watched some lame sitcom, called Matthew on the cell phone 3 times, paced , looked down the hall, smiled, teared up, picked my nails out of nervousness, then started creeping back toward the door, trying to not make eye contact with anyone who would shoo me back to the waiting room. And then Jeremy burst though the door and said I could come back!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness. What a sight to behold: a brand new TEGWYN ELLA!

So, thanks Teg. Because of you I've learned that I like to paint with watercolors, but much more, I love to study a face and enjoy the fun of knowing a person better and appreciating her more for having tried to faithfully render her on paper. It was fun to try. It was FUN to feel like if I botched it horribly, (and maybe some of you think I did--and that's OK with me!), it would be fine! And really, if Teg's parents don't put this up on their wall, that's fine too! I made it with love and with the intention of saying without words "how wonderful life is now you're in the world" sweet Teg. How COOL to learn life lessons from a one year old.