December 13, 2010

Thanksgiving


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
In her take-home folder today was this most precious card from Abby, expressing what she is thankful for:

"I am thankful for my 3 year old brother. His little hands keep me warm at night. When he tells me he loves me it warms my heart. I can not think of a better time than with my 3 year old brother, Noah, my sweet heart."

My cup runneth over.

November 15, 2010

Our first 5K as a family!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Abby is involved in "Girls on the Run": an awesome group dedicated to getting girls together, teaching them about healthy living and choices (physical, emotional, mental), and encouraging them while they train together for a 5K run. This Sunday afternoon was the big race and parents were encouraged to run with their superstar girls. We all had a fantastic time!

Matthew did forget his shoes at home somehow, so he ran it barefoot and ended up with some blisters and soreness; but considering that he pounded out a little over 3 miles on pavement, he's in great shape. He didn't wan to miss out on running this with his girl! Abby was awarded "Most Inspirational Runner" at the awards tailgate party for her perseverance with running and for her keen insights during their weekly talks about important issues. She said on the way home: "I'm really proud of myself for doing that." Those are words these parents LOVE TO HEAR their little girl say. We are incredibly proud of her too! She has trained for ten weeks, Mondays after school and Saturday mornings, with her coaches and friends to do this. She learned a ton of cheers: the screaming eagle, the pencil sharpener, crazy eight, watermelon cheer, superstar cheer, and more. And she developed her confidence for sure!

Abby, you rock! You are our superstar.

One funny moment while we were running (and Noah was chillin in the jogging stroller):
Abby: My feet hurt so much!
Gen: Yeah. I bet daddy's feet are hurting even worse.
Noah: My feet don't hurt! My feet are feeling good!

Yeah, no kidding, Dude.

November 4, 2010

chocolate lips


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Noah had just eaten a trader joe's dark chocolate peanut butter cup (YUM), and had chocolate around his mouth. Matthew was holding him while we looked at decorative pillows at Pier One when three african american women (ages 30-40) walked by--one was holding her little girl, and she said to Noah "Hi chocolate lips!" Then, without a moment of hesitation Matthew blurts out: "They call me that too, sometimes." Then, stunned and processing, all of us busted into peals of laughter. Not one of us knew what in the world to say. I grabbed one of the women's arms to say something, but I couldn't stop laughing as I saw the older of the three women doubled over and bracing herself at the thought of this 33 year old white guy in his polo shirt and flip flops being called "chocolate lips." It was possibly the funniest thing Matthew has ever said.

October 29, 2010

halloweenies


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Our two kids are simply not fans of Halloween. Abby begged to stay home with me today instead of going to school for fear of scary masks. Since she was begging to miss a day on which there would be treats, party activities, and basically no work, I figured she must really be apprehensive. So, she attended Noah's parade with me...the parade in which Noah was going to be an adorable bumble bee. When it came time to don his stripes and stinger, Noah decided that would be a terrible idea. There was no way he was going to be a bee or anything else but himself. EVERY kiddo in the school was in costume, except Noah. Even the teachers were decked out! But Noah preferred to be in the parade with his regular cloths on, and holding his sister's hand. I think this quality is kind of funny and cute: our kids are imaginative, funny, playful, and up for dressing up at home. But for some reason Halloween freaks them out such that they want life to be as familiar and normal as possible on this day. I'm betting they will want to participate more in the years to come, but for now we're kind of appreciating the tender and special sensitivity they both seem to have about it all.

October 26, 2010

oh yeah, I turned 33 last month!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Things have been so busy here that I've neglected to write. This is becoming a trend, I'm finding. But I will try to persevere for the sake of my 5 readers ;) whom I love and probably tell all of these tidbits to by email or phone anyway...

I had a fantastic b-day. Matthew took the kids to church Sunday morning and I got to stay home in my jammies, drink my coffee, and sew while watching an episode of Friday Night Lights. I was totally, unashamedly indulgent as I basked in the aloneness of the morning. I had only myself to dress, and hey! I was already wearing pajamas, so why bother? I had only myself to feed, and Matthew and the kids had made coffee and treats. It was a morning to remember! After that Matthew came home, kicked me out (sending me to the quilt shop near here to buy a little bit of fabric that I've been desiring) so that he could make my favorite dessert: his unmatched apple galette and hand whipped cream. We shared laughs and galette with friends. I felt celebrated and loved and--dare I say it? Rested! Amazing.

September 23, 2010

don't let this cute face fool you!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Last night Matthew came into the family room, flopped onto the couch and said:

'It's like playing whack-a-mole, putting those kids to bed!"

pre-schooler!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
This was the best pic I could get of our squirmy wormy on his first morning of pre-school...

Bean started pre-school on Monday! He marched himself into the classroom, sat down to play with trains and only said goodbye to me after the teacher prodded him to do so. He didn't even look up! And you know what? I din't even tear up as I walked to my car to figure out what to do by myself for an hour (the first day was an hour and 20 mins., not 3 hours). He's more than ready to enjoy the time with kiddos his age, and I am happy for the short break from being on high alert that my all of a sudden toddler turned mountaineering yahoo crazy explorer child has gotten himself stuck in some precarious place. Again. Probably in search of a snack or dangerous tool of some kind. This mellow little guy is a lot like Curious George...so well meaning, well, most of the time, but into so much trouble! And he's smart about it. For instance, when is a great time to swipe a Trader Joe's cookie? Hmm, when mom is in the shower, of course.

G (shampoo in hair): Noah--Who got that Joe Joe for you?
N: Um, me.

Those cookies were up impossibly high. Matthew told me that Noah boasted: "Daddy, do you want a Joe Joe? They are at the top of that ladder!"

So in the last week, I have:

caught Bean at the top of the cabinet, you know--where the liquor and cookies live.
caught him in the car (and subsequently had to get the car jump started)
caught him in the basement. Twice.
found him sleeping UNDER his bed. Way under.
caught him in the garage trying to get onto Abby's bike (he was almost there. I'm thankful for that sturdy kickstand).
caught him at the end of our driveway checking out the machines and construction as the city replaces the storm drain system on our street.

A few of the things he's been caught WITH: scissors, sharpies, whole gallons of milk, pliers, espresso tamper, his mouth full of (non-authorized) chocolate or fruit leather or cookies...you name it.

He can unlock the locks and he isn't asking for permission to go outside--he just does it.

Those 3 hours of preschool, MWF, are going to be lifesavers. For both of us. Oh yeah, and we are SO PROUD of him!! He is really growing and becoming his own little dude. Love it!

September 8, 2010

Parks Visit!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
We were honored to host 5 of the 6 Parks Clan at the start of September (missed you Hannah!!). You guys might just be the easiest five people to host in a 3 bed 2 bath home. Somehow the kitchen remained cleaner with LESS work than ever...well, less done by me. The kids had a blast--I don't think I even saw Noah for the 2 days y'all were here! And Abby and Emma were like peas and carrots.

We will remember laughing till we all cried over Antoine and more cowbell you tube videos. :)
We are so glad we got to see you before you went half way around the world again.

Third Grade!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Abby started third grade yesterday (Tuesday). So far, so GREAT! She loves her teacher (we love her too!) and her classroom, classmates, assignments, you name it. Everything is AWESOME. I give it about a week. She'll come back down to earth and figure out that there are real kids in her class (you know, people who laugh at the wrong things, pick their noses, tattle, burp, wiggle, hum, choose sides, and interrupt); and that her teacher assigns homework that is not fun (the "All about Me" assignments will give way to subtraction and multiplication tables); oh yes, and taking baths and setting out her outfit for the next day will be a chore...I know it's hard to believe.

But for now, she loves third grade, and we are loving her enthusiasm for the newness and excitement that is also such a great part of life these days. And we are hopeful that more and more the annoying parts of life as a human with other humans will be taken in stride, forgiven, accepted, let go, put in their place so that the great parts of life, learning, relationships, and play will outshine annoyances and set backs. May this be a year of putting in to practice the word we talked so much about last year: Resilience! Today was a good start. Day 2 of third grade and she forgot her homework folder. Oh boy. There were tears, lip quivers, and 30 minutes of sullen sadness--not so much over the homework but over the recess period she would have to forego in order to finish the homework. SIGH. My inner mommy was about to hop back in the car and race to school to rescue her folder and save the day. But that's not going to help her with the life skill of remembering important things. So instead, I talked with her and told her that if she could find a way to improve her attitude and recoup the afternoon, she could play with her buddy Madeleine when she got home. Abby pulled it together. She saved her own day. And she's out living it up in the September evening sunlight right now.

So here we go, third grade! We're pretty sure this year is going to be a ton better than last year and that Abbs will learn a lot and enjoy the new challenges.

August 20, 2010

good gifts


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Friends of ours up the street gave Noah this vuvuzela (of recent South African World Cup fame). It is possibly one of Noah's most favorite toys. Most of the time I think it is awesome to see him whooping it up and rousing the neighbors, but I have to hide the thing after lights out. The other night (to our surprise), he sounded the ahroooooga at 9:30, waking Abby up, and causing the household peace to dissolve into a much later night than anticipated. Oh well. I mean what is a vuvuzela for if not to wake people up? Shouldn't every 3 year old boy have one of these things?

Other Noah moments/quotes:
(You might notice a decidedly bodily bent to these--we're potty training, so bear with us)

Asked of mom during a diaper change: "What color are the poops? It's a surprise for you!"

(we hear this every time he flushes): "Bye poops! Bye tee tee!" (He waves with glee. It's pretty cute.)

During bath time, talking to himself about his anatomy while also riffing on a favorite bathtime activity of fishing for toys: "This is not a fish; it is a penis." (Pause, Noah stands up holding himself and exclaiming proudly): "I caught a penis!"

And a super sweet moment: Noah wanted some milk and Abby volunteered to get it for him. Noah looks at me and says, "Abby is so wonderful." The lilt and adoration in his voice was priceless.

3rd grade, here she comes!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
School starts on September 7th for Abby. I'm so glad we have a few weeks of summer yet, even though I'm ready to get back in to the groove of having a schedule. This has been Abby's summer of art. She took art lessons and spent a TON of time (and paper) making delightful drawings and paintings. Yesterday we sat on the back porch and took in over an hour of late afternoon sunshine. Noah played with trucks, Abby painted with watercolors, and I read and dozed and let my mind wander in the quiet breeze. I'll try to scan and post some of Abby's creations of late--she really has made some great strides! On the health front, the antibiotics have done their job, it would appear. Abby seems to be back to her usual self again (1.5 days to go on the antibiotics and we're done!!). And that's why I'm glad she still has some summer left to enjoy.

August 12, 2010

Summer 2010 recap


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Life happens so fast. I feel like there are 20+ blogposts I could have written this summer, but I have been so so busy just trying to keep up that I simply haven't been able to do it. I'll mention some highlights and lowlights...in chronological order:

Vacation in South Carolina, on the beach. Pearsons, Millers, Udoujs. So much fun!
Abby FINALLY finishes 2nd grade after a week of snow day make-ups. Cruel.
Matty and G celebrate 10th Anniv.
The California Carlsons 5 come for a weekend. YAY!
Genna's computer dies. Hardrive failure.
Matthew has a great year-one review at work.
Rusty nail goes through Matthew's flip flop into his foot. ER/antibiotics and he's all better.
The St. Louis Maynors 4 come for a week! They must LOVE us to make that drive.
Abby gives her violin "Twinkle Twinkle" graduation concert. Brava!
Canoeing for the first time--Pearsons and Maynors. Super fun.
Noah drops his naps and begins potty training. Thanks, Grayson, for inspiring Noah to be a big boy. Too bad about the naps, though.
Abby diagnosed with Lyme Disease. This SUCKS. She's still on antibiotics. I'll write more about that later.
Genna gets food poisoning or the flu. No fun. Everyone else is fine.
Matthew fixes G's computer. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Canoeing with the Steens, and kayaking too!
Matthew's intense bike workouts in the morning make him vomit twice! (This is a first for him. He's really workin' it out there before 7 am!)
Abby picks her new room color. Anyone who knows Abby and me knows this was not an easy process. We agonize over practically imperceptible variations in tone. But we settled on Benjamin Moore Blue Bonnet, tinted at half the formula. It's perfect.
G sends off contract for Noah to start 3 mornings per week of pre-school.

We're making it. We've enjoyed a lot of great highs this summer, and we've also had some unexpected bumps in the road. But we're blessed to live when and where we do. I'll write more soon.

July 17, 2010

He's a Craigslist GENIUS, I tell you!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
OK, I have a lot of other things to blog about: what we've been up to all month, etc.--but I cannot hold this in. Matthew just scored the MOST amazing dining room set. Check this out: for the first time in our marriage, we have a table that seats more than 4! This seats six, PLUS it comes with three leaves bringing that count to twelve. He got the table, 6 chairs, 3 leaves, a gorgeous buffet and hutch for $225.00. Now, you may be thinking, "Yay, way to go Matthew." But let me tell you what we figured out about this set. It is a Drexel "Profile" set, circa 1958. If you look at Retro Renovation you can read all about it, but for starters, that site mentions the following:
"The Drexel Profile furniture collection was designed by John Van Koert, and it was in production from 1955 to 1961. Van Koert started out as a jewelry designer for Harry Winston after WWII and later branched into industrial design. He also is well known for designing silver for Towle, particularly the Contour design; his particular attention to the drawer pulls and other hardware on Profile pieces is noted in the catalog."

And now the kicker. Matthew priced the set online. The table and chairs alone are selling (fast) for 4-5K. The buffet and hutch (with gorgeous real silver pulls) easily fetches 1K.

Honestly, I was as happy with the set before we knew any of that. We love the style of it; it's a mid-century modern set in just the color, and with just the types of lines we love. We can seat lots of people together, comfortably, and it will last and last because it is solid. I just cannot believe that it belongs to us now, and we paid 225. The table we have had since leaving St. Louis we paid 200 for, and are selling on craigslist... I am SO EXCITED! Come over for dinner, everyone we have room at our table!

And seriously, Matthew may have found a calling as an economist, but I can't say enough about his incredible sleuthy research and acquisition skills, as well as his gift for selling things to buy new (to us) things that meet our needs SO much better. He is a super duper rockstar genius.

June 17, 2010

10 Years of Matty & G


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Ten years ago today Matthew took Genevieve to be his wedded wife.

We vowed our love and fidelity and we became a whole new family. We had no idea what would come our way, but we knew we would rather face all of it--good or bad--together. After ten years of sharing this life, and of growing up together, we're both more certain of those vows and of the huge blessings of walking together through each day that we are blessed to live.

I am giddy today; it is a momentous day, a milestone, and a reminder of the best things. So, to my best friend and the love of my life, I LOVE YOU! Happy Anniversary!

June 4, 2010

an AWESOME day at home


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Today Noah and I camped out on our front lawn and enjoyed the amazing show of mighty machines as they worked to lay a new water main. Next up will be the sewer line, then we get a gas line, then the whole street will be paved! Normally I would not be so excited about road work being done 50 feet from my front door, but I'm giddy to tell Noah when even a garbage truck is going by, let alone backhoes, front end loaders, tampers, rollers, dumpers, and rock crushers! This is a dream day for Noah; the only thing that could make it more fun would be getting to operate the machines himself.

one more critter for the growing list of backyard buddies


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
This little red fox has some amazing superpower. Or maybe Matthew's BBQ pulled pork is so enticing that it gave the fox superfox abilities. A couple of weeks ago, this critter dumped our (large, lidded, wheeled, flip top) trash can over to get to the drippings and fat. Impressive work for such a small fox!

violin lessons!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
After years of begging to play an instrument, we have finally taken the plunge and put Abby into lessons! She seems to be a natural and has taken to playing like a fish to water. I'm looking for a flute for her so I can give her some lessons on that too.

copycat boy


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
LOVES to do whatever his big sister does.

Abby's new sport


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
She is playing lacrosse, which is a popular sport on this coast. So far she really enjoys the game and is making some buddies. I love seeing her smile on the field!

summer, here we come!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
OK, I know I haven't blogged in ages. And if you are like my friend Bronwyn, you are tired of checking in to this blog just to see a picture of a tick. Well, you asked for it! Here come some updates!

Abby update: She has learned to climb walls! She does this every day, pretty much. There are only 2.5 weeks left of 2nd grade, and summertime cannot come quickly enough for this kid! We are all SO ready.

April 20, 2010

Flora and Fauna

Our yard is bursting with colour and with an unexpected array of animal life. Now, some of the critters we see are fine by me--they are welcome to scurry about around my house as long as they stay out of it--these include squirrels, amazing birds (robins, cardinals, chickadees!), and even our funny groundhog (see picture below). I like those guys. The deer and rabbits are ok as long as they don't eat the flowers. But then there are strange or yuckie critters: the wild turkey startled me this week while I was chatting to Matthew by phone on his lunch break. This turkey was HUGE! And very close. And very loud. Then, the bright red tick I found walking along the deck. I HATE ticks. Hate them. The one pictured here is now dead (sorry if that offends anyone out there). It was a brilliant hue but it had to go. And then the snake. This guy has crossed my path--like that anthropocentric viewpoint, MY path? Actually I have disturbed this snake three times, twice nearly stepping on it. I'm trying to make myself feel better by imagining that it is the same snake each time, but it may not be. The one in the picture seems bigger than the one Noah discovered two weeks ago.

So we have lots of wildlife around. None of it domestic. So far though, not too many insects in the house, and that makes me glad. The flora though, that I bring in! We have Crocus, daffodils, paperwhites, irises, violets, grape hyacinth, bleeding hearts, hellebore, wisteria, jasmine, azalea, bradford pear, forsythia, regular hyacinth, and a bunch more that I can't identify. I've attached a handful of pics below!!

Alright, I need to go--Abby needs a ride to school, Noah wants to watch a show, and I am in my pjs (a common state at 8 am just before driving Abby to school...) Here we go! Enjoy the pics.









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Originally uploaded by gennabby.

April 13, 2010

Handsome boy.


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Here is our sweet little guy on his b-day. He was wily and not very obedient that day, but he looked awfully adorable. It's a good thing they are so cute at this age, hey?

April 11, 2010

Three Year Old Bean

Today is Noah's third birthday! He ate three bowls of cereal for breakfast, skipped his nap, ran around like a wild man, read books with his Meemo, blew bubbles, rode his tractor down the backyard hill, ate (very rich and delicious Daddy&Abby-made) cake, smiled at several Happy Birthday serenades--thanks mom, Alec, Mimi, and Leas--strummed his new ukelele from Grandpa and Nana, played with puzzles, ate yummy burgers, watched Kipper the Dog (show), and ran around some more...barefoot in the grass, wearing airplane jammies and a striped shirt that is still too big for him (a 3T).

He's three years old and spunky, testing, loving, funny, ticklish, and sometimes willing to share. Sometimes. He's not interested in the potty, but he LOVES to pretend he's an airplane. And he is exerting his will to see just what he has control over and just how seriously he has to take our words.

He can count to twenty, say his ABCs, sing a few songs, identify tons of vehicle types, make awesome rocket sounds, and snuggle. His hair smells wonderful (unless he's been out playing all day in the sun and needs a bath--then he smells like a sweaty kid). He is the most kissable person I know, even though when asked for a kiss, he leans his forehead in so you may kiss it. I have to specify: I want your lips (which he calls "yips").

Noah is an awesome kiddo. We love him and he loves us. Thank you, God, for three wonderful years with this precious boy. We look forward to seeing who he becomes!

Now it is time to sleep!

March 15, 2010

March Madness...Princeton style


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
Alright, people. When Matthew told me we'd be moving to Princeton, I had visions of ivy and stone, stained glass, picturesque seasons. And then we got here and the summer was "one of the soggiest on record: we never get this much rain!" That made fall kind of a flop, with leaves browning and clinging to the trees instead of blazing with color and falling off, the way they are *supposed to*, which was "so unusual; we always have beautiful fall foliage!" And then winter. Blizzard after blizzard of record setting snowfall. Abby had over a week of snow days, I learned how to shovel a driveway, and we prayed that the roof would not collapse under the weight of 2+ feet of snow. All the while, the locals were awed and promised: "This is the most snow we've had maybe ever! We haven't seen a winter like this in over 20 years. It's never like this!"

And then we had our first spring rain and wind storm this weekend. The rain was interesting, the wind was loud. Abby and I stood at the window watching trees bend and sway, and she asked me: "Mom, do trees ever just fall over?" I replied, "Yes, but it is really rare." 30 seconds later (not kidding) I hear WHOMP! And run to the breakfast room to see an evergreen the length of our entire house stretched across our whole backyard. Our neighbor's tree (the one we were just watching) took out the fence and is napping on our patio. I'm glad it didn't hit the house, though Matthew would have loved to remodel the family room on the insurance company.

That was excitement enough, but then the electricity went out, taking with it our stove and our heat. But what we didn't think about was that it also took out our sump pump: and that, I now know, is even more important than heat. Yesterday Matthew and I spent hours cleaning up our flooded basement. Thankfully we didn't lose anything precious to us. It was just a soggy mess.

But you know what? It's all ok. We are all safe. We have our power back on (while many in Princeton are sleeping in Dilon gym on campus because their power wont be back on till who knows when). We got to light candles and run around with flashlights and eat pizza in the dark. Matthew and I have a cleaner basement than planned. And Matthew got to tell Abby at 7 am this morning that school was cancelled due to blocked roads and power outages, to which she replied: "That's the best news I've heard all day!" It has been really wild around here, but kind of fun, and totally unexpected.

So that's the weekend update here.

By the way, if anyone has a chainsaw, can we borrow it for a couple of days?

March 8, 2010

huh?

Noah was whining for cereal when he woke up from his nap today. I decided I would not say for the 100th time since breakfast:"Noah, no whining, please." Instead I said "MeaMeaMeaMeaMeaMea" in a high pitched voice. He looked at me and said:
"Don't speak kitty cat."

That may be one my favorite Noah quotes so far.

February 10, 2010

"I can't believe it. It nowed!"

And it is STILL snowing. We've gotten about a foot of snow since yesterday and are due for another foot before the night is over. This is "an explosively developing Nor/Easter" according to the national weather service. Great. And guess who didn't stock up properly at the grocery store? Yes, that would be us. This may be one downside to not having cable TV.

We have milk, coffee, half and half, cereal--those are the can't live withouts--and we're having beef stroganoff tonight. We have goat cheese ravioli for lunch tomorrow, and after that, we had better go to the store or we will be eating trader joe's shellfish, carrots, celery, and one clementine.

Power is flickering. Posting now.
love y'all.

January 29, 2010

8 years


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
My baby girl is 8! She is brighter, more funny and cute than I expected. Her facial expressions reveal deep emotional understanding, and her questions do the same. Sometimes she is quiet; I know there are questions and thoughts bursting in there, but there is a reserve too. Not sure why. Other times she is a flood of words, and I wonder how her mind does what it does. She is tender with her brother; she is little girl and young woman at the same time; she loves me fiercely and can be so frustrated with me, though she respects me too much to let any major anger or disrespect fly. Long may that last! She is truly defenseless when it comes to her daddy's words, and what a blessing that she has a daddy who adores her and protects her heart and sees her for the beautiful person she is.

I can no longer describe her with just a few adjectives. She is changing--still bubbly, still sometimes shy, still curious, articulate, sensitive, passionate, forgetful, impressionable, trusting, and kind. And then there's more--but just what that is I can't say, and it changes with circumstances and with new information. Her moods have more heft and information behind them; they are no longer whims, like when she was two. No longer pure reaction to want or need.

I'm ambivalent about all of this, because I miss the simplicity of being able to meet her needs. She is fast outgrowing my ability in that department. But I love that we can share things we couldn't before. I can earn her respect, and she mine. And we can practice unconditional love and forgiveness too. I guess the relationship is becoming more complicated and full of potential for deep connection beyond the hormonal, biological super glue that has bonded us for all these years. I can't get the same high from sniffing her head, I'm not permitted to get the boogies from her nose, sometimes I'm invited to help make fashion choices, and I'm not there during her school day hours. But when she is asleep, I sometimes kiss her soft cheeks and see how little she still is. We're approaching real challenges and heartbreaks and changes (along with awesome experiences and connections), and I feel like I am 8 years old myself, scared and wanting someone to tell me "how things are." I don't want my existential crisis to be hers, and I try to give appropriate answers to questions that are too hard for me now. Had she asked me six, eight, ten years ago, I would have had more articulate things to say--maybe I would have been confident and wrong, or right. I don't even know. But now, my answers are more raw, more certain that we have to trust God because we are not in control of everything--and we don't want to be either. I am careful to keep my major doubts and fears to myself--those are not her crosses to bear. And when the time comes, if she wants to talk about the strangeness of growing up, becoming a mom and/or just becoming and figuring out that your youthful confidence takes some major hits along the way--when the day comes she faces suffering, then maybe some of my own trials and lessons learned will come in very handy. But, thank God, she is eight and has no reason to encounter anything beyond what we hope is a good balance of real, protected (but not too much) life.

Abby makes things vibrant with color. She is beautiful energy and delight and things that stretch the people around her to become more human, more real. She is the best eight years of anything I can imagine.

sunshine, don't go!


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Originally uploaded by gennabby.
One day this week (I can't remember which one, because they all run together), it rained all day long. There was no sunshine. Then, while I was making dinner, the room glowed for a moment with radiant light. I ran outside with my camera to take a picture of the setting sun. I took another one of the trees--illuminated from beneath and shining since their branches were soaked all over. And I thought to myself: No matter how grey and rainy and miserable the day might seem to me, the sun is always shining. I needed the perspective, and the peeking sun's reminder to me that my perspective can limit my understanding so much. I don't like barriers to understanding--clouds can be a menace. But they can also be a kind shelter and a welcome buffer from what can do damage in too great an intensity.

On with taking the vitamin D supplements and racing the cat for the fleeting sunny spot on the couch. Spring, hurry it on up, please.

January 27, 2010

Abby's Dream

The kids were asked to write a short essay on what their "dream" would be for the world they live in. Here is what Abby wrote (her spelling intact):

"I have a dream that people will buy good and sterdey (sturdy) materialls and donate it all to the people of Haiti. I have a dream that one day people will love and live in peace and stop war. My other dream is that people will take care of the orphens, take them home and love on them!"

January 23, 2010

Lonely

Life is full, fast, and has all the trimmings. Except family and close friends. And down time.
This makes me very very lonely.

I've decided that I do not like winter. Or maybe winter is just fine, but I do not like being cold. I can't seem to get warm and I've promised myself hundreds of times that I will not complain about being too hot in the summer time ever again.

We've had a bit of a rough transition to Abby's new school. Three weeks in and she does like her teacher and new friends, but she tells me often that things just don't feel right. She misses her old friends, her Davis friends. Two weeks ago she got a migraine at school. This last week she missed her school bus stop because she was reading. We've endured some tears, but I am hoping that thing will get better soon. We've tried to make this weekend lots of fun: I took her to the movies on Friday night and Saturday night she had a sleepover here with a new friend. Today she has been invited to another girl's house for a playdate. We might just say yes to that too.

Figaro update: I am not the biggest fan of having a pet. I thought I would love it, but I don't. I can't stand that the cat is a cat: he claws furniture, he poops in a box in my house, he jumps on the table--where we eat--with the same paws that step in his litter box. I am grossed out. What was I thinking? I used to love my cat when I was a kid, but now I recall that he was an outdoor cat and very low maintenance. What do I do now?

Can I just ask the moms out there: what do you do when you are spent and you want someone else to be in charge for a while? I'm flooded with the emotional and physical needs of my two (healthy and relatively happy) kids--I'm in love with them, and they are comparatively easy when I think of so many families dealing with actual hardships--and yet I am truly tired and I feel dazed.